"She has a way with words, red lipstick, and making an entrance."
- kate spade

Hey Loves!
It's been so long!
How are you doing?
Did your New Year started the way you wanted?

I missed writing and telling you stories to share.
Should we start with one?
This will be a very long one to read and I want to say thank you in advance for those who took their time to read this.


My last month of 2016 didn't started and ended well...
Until now there are a lot in my head and I'm still trying to figure out where to row them in.

Some of you have seen my  Instagram post and either commented or wrote me if I were ok.
Honestly speaking, I am not doing ok.
I'm even far from being fine.

I've cried a lot and even though I am trying my best to think about other things and trying to move on... I just can't.

Let's start from the Start.

2016 marked my 10 years of me pursuing a dream of mine ever since I was 18 years old.
For the past 10 years I applied every year at this one Company and every Time I got a chance to be invited at their Assessment Programme.

Most of the time I never made it until the end of the Assessment and I was fine and motivated to try again.

I was set to do better the next year and every time I didn't make it I told myself I have to do better.
When I applied again in December 2016 , I immidiatley received an E-Mail telling me that I was invited once again.

When the day came for me to be there I was feeling great.
I knew that this time I would make it...

and I did!

After 11 hours (!!) of Assessment I was one of the last few who had their 1 on 1 Interview.
When I went into the Room and had the 3 Examiner in front me I felt good.
Because I never made it that far.

When they started talking, I even felt, I felt great.
I only received compliments about my performance.
I even got told that I was the best candidate that day and they are happy for me to be able to finally join the Company and that my 10 years of waiting had paid off.

At the end of the Interview they told me they will call me after a week to tell me when the next Training will start and they even said they can't wait to work with me.

That day I went home happy as ever and I felt accomplished.

Let's skip to the week of my call...

It was 2 days before Christmas Eve and I was out doing the last shopping with my Boys when one of the Girls I met during my Assessment texted me around 10 am, telling me she already received her call and that she will start on the 30th of January 2017.

I was totally happy to hear that because we really got along so well during the Assessment and we were so proud that we both got in.

It was around 2 pm when I realized that I still didn't got a call.
I still waited for another half an hour and then I decided to call them instead.

The Lady on the Phone was one of the Examiner and she told me she was about to call me as last because she had to talk to me about something...

As I waited for her to continue, I felt like my Heart was about to stop and I didn't even know why.
For some reason my thoughts flew somewhere else and that's when I realized that she as been calling my Name.

It's when she said those words: "I'm really sorry to tell you this Mrs. Medrano but we're withdrawing what we said that day. We won't be taking you into the Company. I'm sorry to do this right before Christmas."

That moment is when I suddenly remembered why I've been so anxious the whole morning and something told me it wasn't a good day for me.

My voice was shaking when I asked her why and what I did wrongly.
She hesitated to answer and then she told me I didn't do anything wrong but they felt like I wasn't really being honest with them.

I didn't understood what they meant and then she explained to me that my performance was perfect and they were puzzled how a person could smile after 11 hours of Assessment and they weren't sure if I could really perform that on a daily basis at work.

I was more than shocked.
I was speechless.

When I called my Friends telling them what happend, all of them said the same thing
"They were playing with you! None of that made sense! You have the best qualification to be part of that Company!!"

Of course I knew that.
I was confident when I took the Assessment.

It took me a week to finally function properly when one of my Friends who works at that Company wrote me and congratulating me.

I recall her saying that everyone we knew in that Company saw that I got in.
I had my hopes rise since maybe they just made a mistake at my call.

When I contacted them again they told me they will call me after a week and maybe they did mistakenly cancelled on me.

After another week I finally got the call....

The Lady who was the one who cancelled on me told me they are not mistaken and that they still won't take me in BUT! I should apply again next year because maybe I could finally get in.

I was so mad!
How can someone be so heartless?!

I lost my confident and hope in ever having my dream come true.

After that I applied for other Companies but most of them either weren't looking for new Staff or some of them wasn't keen in having a Woman work for them who has 2 Kids because they don't have the trust in me to be able to perform the way they want me to.

Now this is what is really pissing me off...

Society keeps telling us in an order how a Human being should be living:

1) Success in Work
2. Kids

Who are they to be deciding in this order?
Why can't it be Kids first then success in work?

This situation has been giving me such headache lately.
I've been on the downside looking for a proper job to support my husband and kids.
Don't get me wrong, my Husband does work but the payment he gets is just not enough for all of us.

Often I have those break-downs where I am in the Bathroom and cry.
It's not easy when people won't give you a chance to prove your worth and ability to them.

If it wasn't for my Husband, Kids and my Sister who keeps telling me to keep my head up or else my Crown will fall, I wouldn't be able to survive one more day.

This is mainly the reason why I haven't been posting on my Blog.
I had to think and take a time off from everything..

I had to find a way to restart again.

I know it won't be easy but I have to do this for my Husband and Kids.

I hope everyone will have a wonderful 2017 and please never forget to keep your head up then your Crown might fall!